[13 Jul 2009|10:34pm] carl got moved into his apartment today. I'm going over there to see it later, and probably spend the night. I'm happy for him. I start school in early september for certain now, everything is paid and all I need to do is find my diploma for their records. I'm nervous and excited. I've been thinking about asking gabby if she'd get an apartment with me. like, ever. I'm definitely not financially stable enough right now to split rent with anyone, especially not her, since she has kind of expensive tastes when it comes to living situations. but I know she's trying to save money from now on and stop getting such big places, and I really do like being around her enough that I think we'd get along sharing a place. she's smart and I appreciate that. I'm just not sure if she thinks I'm smart, too. I might ask her when things start rolling with me, when I know whether or not I'll even be able to work, go to school and pay rent all at the same time. I'd rather not live with my dad until school's over next august, because that would really suck, but if its what I have to do, then.. well. ): READ OR COMMENTAIRE (4)

[06 Jul 2009|11:07pm] as of the 5th, this past sunday, carl and I have been dating for six months. thats pretty cool. its not forced at all. I really, genuinely love him. in other news, a hot piece of ass came through the drive-thru at baby greens last friday and saturday, and he was all smiles and stares both times. I checked out his name from his credit card receipt: thomas shook! I mean duh I wouldnt hit it, I respect carl, but oh man. and then today april shows me the austin chronicle classifieds, where there's a section called "a shot in the dark". there was an ad in it that said: I was one of three girls who worked that day! so it could have been any of us. but I have my suspicions. READ OR COMMENTAIRE (12)

[07 Apr 2009|10:41pm] first day of work was today. it was nice. my feet hurt. the place is called Baby Greens ( http://www.ilovesalads.com/ ). the pay isnt great but its a job. I hope this means I can make it to ireland. I'm getting sick and it really sucks. I "bought" a pretty plum purple cardigan yesterday and it makes me feel like my mother when she was younger. I did two lines of coke a few days ago. the first one was really nice and made me want more, but the second line was so awful that I changed my mind. my nose is still fucked up. I actually think its what made me sick, if thats possible. I miss my pillow. sometimes it surprises me how much I need it when I try to sleep at night on anything else. READ OR COMMENTAIRE (2)

[26 Mar 2009|03:45am] gabby wants me to go with her to ireland in early august for two weeks. round trip tickets are like $620, which is so dirt cheap for that kind of travel, and she wants me to go so badly that she's offered to pay for the homestay and general expenses (food, alcohol, etc.) because she knows I'm in a tight spot and owe everyone money left and right. it is such an amazing opportunity, and even though I'd like to be positive and hope for the best, I am doubtful. passports are like $100 and they take a few months to arrive, I'd have to buy the ticket within the next few months if it was going to stay that cheap, and I still havent found a job despite how furiously I've been looking. I owe aaron rent money, even if it isnt a lot. I paid my ticket with the money I got from selling a couch, but I still owe my pops insurance money, phone money, $220 a month for car payment, etc etc etc. there's really no way, haha. typing all that out sort of made that all the more obvious. I'm really disappointed, its such an unbelievable opportunityyy I cant even express that enough. I mean, cheap international round-trip ticket AND she'd pay for all my shit once we got there? when would it ever get that good again? I need to stop thinking about it. typing this entry was a terrible idea. when I started just like a few minutes ago, I was all giddy and hopeful. now I am just sort of extremely bummed the fuck out. time for bed. COMMENTAIRE (0)

[16 Mar 2009|11:36pm] I've been seeing carl a lot. I've stopped seeing big chris entirely because he was turning into a stalker creep. I punched eric (jenna's ex-roommate) in the face after not seeing him for over a year. rick's been trying to see me but I'm never in the mood. carl and I joke about having kids when we get older but its really only half joking. he knows I want a girl and a boy, and we've spent a few late nights arguing playfully in bed about it. he tries to convince me that I will have two boys and one girl, so that the oldest boy will watch over the younger two, and that we will name him carl jr. to keep the theme going (he's the second or third carl jr. in his family). I tell him that the girl will come first and be the protective oldest, and that I only want two because three is just insane. jenna says she can see us being together for a long time, and all of my friends like him a lot. but I know how I am, and even if I'd like to say that I will keep him around to the point where having kids would be a serious conversation, I dont trust myself to actually do it. I can see myself wanting other people, wanting more, getting exhausted of him for whatever reason that I cant foresee yet. I dont know. I disappoint myself in that way. all I know is that I really like holding his hand for now. I hope that doesnt change because I wouldnt mind some sort of constant variable in my life. but if it does, its okay. I am the designated heartbreaker anyway, what's one more notch on my belt? :( READ OR COMMENTAIRE (2)

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